“To clasp the hands in prayer is the beginning of an uprising against the disorder of the world.”

Karl Barth

There is brokenness all around us.  We do not have to look for it, it finds us without our seeking it out. We know brokenness as we know ourselves.  We know pain and we know the disorder of the world.

Cancer. Fear. Loss. Pain.

Brokenness.

The unrest in Egypt…that is hard to fathom for those of us who walk into our fellowships with no fear of persecution.  That outward brokenness is an assault to our senses, an assault to our hearts.

We close our hands not distraught, though, we close our hands in hope.

We bow our heads not in fear and not in defeat. We bow our heads in awareness that we do not hold the power to change the situation, yet we know who does.

We bring our needs to each other and ask for prayer because we are journeying together. We clasp hands together and in doing so we join in the uprising against the disorder of the world. We place ourselves, together, in the care of the Creator. We place ourselves in the care of the One who can change the situation, the One who can speak hope to those who are hopeless.

So….speak your need.

Pray for others in need.

Clasp your hands in prayer and be aware that in doing so we are not vainly throwing our words about; we are acknowledging that we are are His and we cast our cares upon Him, for He cares for us.

We are three full days into the school year of 2013-2014. So far, things are going quite well, thank you for asking.

Really. We’ve been up on time, including myself. That in itself is an achievement. I am not a morning person. I’ve been up, been able to have some reading time and coffee before everyone else is up.

I’m prepared for the most part.

I have been able to flesh out the ideas I had for a Bible curriculum and I am seeing my kids understand things already in these first three days which they had never thought of before. That excites me.

One thing has already happened a few times, and it has frustrated me greatly. It has happened with all three children.

“I can’t do this!”

“Yes. You can.”

“No!”  This is usually followed by varying degrees of hanging one’s head, sighing, shrugging of shoulders.  “I just can’t!”

Three days in to the school year. We have already faced overwhelming material in Math and English which has forced us to rest our head upon the table in despair. We have even had a couple tears already.

This is so high on the list of things I would like to avoid in homeschool, and yet it seems to be so completely unavoidable. I will say I react better than before and we move beyond the moment more quickly. Still, I want my kids to think of themselves in terms of being able to achieve rather than being defeated before they even begin.

Not very long ago, maybe it has been three years…maybe four…Sammy used to come in from being outside with his face all sweaty and red and his hair flying around. His eyes would be wide with wonder and he would say:

“I wish I could go to the store and buy some wings. I would strap them to my back and I would run out in the street and I would fly just like the birds.”

I could believe that he would be able to fly if I could just get him those wings….the wonder and the enthusiasm was so right-there. He knew he could do it.

Now a math problem leaves him in a puddle. Usually because he saw an older sibling in a puddle a little earlier.

So. I want to establish the rule of not being able to say “I can’t.”  I wonder if I’ll sound legalistic and boring to the kids, and yet I wonder if they’ll get a little of the concept…they can do so many remarkable things. No, they cannot do anything they want to. There are limitations, but they can do remarkable things.

They can figure out the math problem. They can figure out their homework. They can do so much more.

I want them back to running in with sweaty faces and eyes wide with wonder imagining what they could do if just given the opportunity…rather than thinking they just can’t. That is one of my goals and one for this school year.

I just…….can.

I’m not ready.

I like the lazy schedule of summer. I like the easiness of the schedule and being able to sleep in and let the boys relax and do as they please.

I want to begin with learning. I am excited about starting the school process. I am excited about beginning to open the books and I am excited about what we will discover. I have learned some last year and my expectations are more in place with reality.

I do not expect to do great crafts daily, or to follow pinterest, or to sing in harmonies each morning around a pancakes that look like smiley faces.

I would love to do those things, but I know my limitations. And I know my kids.

I do hope to learn.  I hope that I am able to establish an environment that brings peace and creativity and that in some way establishes hope and wonder.

I’m not completely sure how that will happen, or how to facilitate that, but I know that that is my hope.  I know that that is my desire…that my desire is they do not dread the beginning of school as the ending of the bliss of summer.

I desire that they learn to love learning and that they see it as the discovering of wonder and they see it as discovering the imprint of the Creator on the world around them rather than the drudgery of memorizing facts and necessities for getting by in life.

I know that I have to love the wonder and the imprint of the Creator in order for them to see it. I know that I have to wake up with a hint of that awareness and I have to allow myself the freedom to be the person He has created me to be rather than trying to force something. I am not a crafty person, and I am not good at some things I wish I were.

I love learning though.

So, on this Monday morning, with school about begin, there is a peace that settles in as I realize the expectations are simply this: we will learn. God will be present and He knows the desire of my heart is simply that my children know Him and know how amazing this creation is.  My desire is that they be filled with wonder and filled with hope…and I cannot do that, but He can.

There is the release.

Mondays do not have to be dreaded.  Prepared for, yes. I have to be diligent in my work and in my preparation. The environment has to be set and the material provided. The work of the heart is up to the Spirit, though, and I think this is part of what I hope for in homeschool.

It is also what is amazing about some of the teachers I have known in private and public schools. They have instilled this love of learning in a multitude of students, and I am the fruit of their labors.  I have no idea how this will end with my children, but the end is not up to me. And there is freedom in that. The work is up to me. The labor is up to me…but the fruit is truly in God’s hands.

So, Monday, Monday.  I’m ready for ya.

“From all that I said about our worried, overfilled lives, it is clear that we are usually surrounded by so much outer noise that it is hard to truly hear our God when he is speaking to us. We have often become deaf, unable to know when God calls us and unable to understand in which direction he calls us.

Thus our lives have become absurd. In the word absurd we find the Latin word surdus, which means “deaf”. A spiritual life requires discipline because we need to learn to listen to God, who constantly speaks but whom we seldom hear.

When, however, we learn to listen, our lives become obedient lives. The word obedient comes from the Latin word audire, which means “listening.” A spiritual discipline is necessary in order to move slowly from an absurd to an obedient life, from a life filled with noisy worries to a life in which there is some free inner space where we can listen to our god and follow his guidance. 

Jesus’ life was a life of obedience. He was always listening to the Father, always attentive to his voice, always alert for his directions. Jesus was “all ear.” That is true prayer: being all ear for God. The core of all prayer is indeed listening, obediently standing in the presence of God.”  – Henri Nouwen

Sunday evenings always find me slightly agitated. I feel as though I need to put things in order for the coming week, and yet I also don’t want the weekend to end. I want to be able to think more about what I heard on Sunday morning. I want to take more in and be able to soak just a little longer in what Sunday is…but Monday is sneaking up on me.

I’ve said in the last few posts that I am not the most disciplined person, and Nouwen talks about how if we are not disciplined our lives are absurd…they are so noisy we have become deaf. Sometimes for me, when things become so noisy like that it is difficult to put them back in order.

That agitation is creeping in and I just want to stamp my feet and be mad, rather than be obedient and listen.

Sometimes it helps to have something specific to put things in order. Something to focus upon that helps to quiet the noise.

Prayer requests help that sometimes. Draw us out of the noise of our own cluttered lives and help to focus. Or, if we need the support of those around us, they help us to know that we are part of the family of believers and there are others who are supporting us in prayer.

My friend Michael had a blog, and I am confident that it will be back soon, where he weekly posted prayers and drew us in as a community to pray with one another. I’m hosting that here until he is back up and running. There are folks from that blog, Phoenix Preacher, posting here, mixed with other friends from other places. I like that. A lot.

Post if you have a need. Post if you see a need…encourage someone in their need and let them know you are praying.

Focus a little.  Quiet the noise.

Discipline.