Category Archives: Faith

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No Soft God…

the-expulsion-from-the-temple-1

 

 

“Come to your Temple here with liberation

And overturn these tables of exchange

Restore in me my lost imagination

Begin in me for good, the pure change.”

My “Temple” is filled with unclean things. Distractions, motivations that are impure.

Sin.

Clutter.

My imagination is caught up so often in things that draw me away from God rather than toward Him. I am, frankly, weak and lacking in discipline and in focus. I am in need. I am broken by a sinful nature that does me in, and by an enemy who would rejoice in my defeat.

I need not a soft God who is only love and who demands little. A God who would simply bless me in my choices and my way.

I need a God who demands holiness and who knows true justice. I need a God who will clean this temple, and I, in my lack of imagination, need a God I can “see”.  I need something more than a God of wood or stone that I can gaze upon…I need a God who walks and talks and surprises me.

I need Jesus. I need Jesus who touched lepers with tenderness, who wept at His friend’s death. I need Jesus who knows loneliness and pain and suffering, and yet who knows wonder and imagination and love and joy.

This week I am following the posts of Malcolm Guite, and I am thankful for the poet and the artist and the musicians who bring to life the emotions and the words that fail me. Today his post is about the cleansing of the Temple. This is the God in whom I put my faith and my trust…and my need. The God who is willing and able to act justly and to save and to redeem and to cleanse.

The God who will break the barriers.

Cleansing the Temple

 

 

Come to your Temple here with liberation

And overturn these tables of exchange

Restore in me my lost imagination

Begin in me for good, the pure change.

Come as you came, an infant with your mother,

That innocence may cleanse and claim this ground

Come as you came, a boy who sought his father

With questions asked and certain answers found,

Come as you came this day, a man in anger

Unleash the lash that drives a pathway through

Face down for me the fear the shame the danger

Teach me again to whom my love is due.

Break down in me the barricades of death

And tear the veil in two with your last breath.

 

 

As I was writing this I was thinking of the strength of our God, and I came across Steve Green singing A Mighty Fortress. Put on your headphones and turn this up loudly. This is not a soft God who gives us up to our ways. This is a God who faces down the fear the shame and the danger. This is the God who tears the veil in two.

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The Grasping of Palm Sunday….

Palm Sunday

 

Now to the gate of my Jerusalem,

The seething holy city of my heart,

The saviour comes. But will I welcome him?

Oh crowds of easy feelings make a start;

They raise their hands, get caught up in the singing,

And think the battle won. Too soon they’ll find

The challenge, the reversal he is bringing

Changes their tune. I know what lies behind

The surface flourish that so quickly fades;

Self-interest, and fearful guardedness,

The hardness of the heart, its barricades,

And at the core, the dreadful emptiness

Of a perverted temple. Jesus come

Break my resistance and make me your home.

This poem is from Malcolm Guite, part of his book Sounding the Seasons. This was just what I needed to hear this morning.

I said the other day that I felt unprepared for the Lenten Season this year. In the past I have been more intentional about giving something up, even just FaceBook, in an attempt to focus on the season. The intentional abstaining is not an attempt to gain the merit of God, it is instead an attempt to discipline this flesh of mine to focus on the reality of a God who became man, who conquered all through the ultimate humbling and sacrifice. The God who redeemed. Redeemed all…but also me.

Sometimes that is still difficult to contain in this brain of mine.

This hardness of heart and fickleness that mark me, more than faithfulness and tender heartedness. These barriers that I continue to let stand.

I needed to hear a soft word today that recognizes that following Jesus is not simple, although there are moments of great praise and worship…there is also the moment of confusion and of reversal. The moment when God does the unexpected and does not simply ride in and conquer all the enemies.

The moment when we wonder what God is doing.

Palm Sunday is that day when we grasp hold of the idea of a Messiah who rides in and understands all our pain and suffering and fears and hopes…and we cling to the idea that He will change everything. We cheer and we hope and grasp.

He does change everything, but it won’t be the way we expect. He broke all the expectations in His death and in His Resurrection…and He continues to break my expectations.

It is good to grasp hold of Him and to cheer and to hope….but to do so with caution and with understanding that His plan may completely reverse what we think should happen. His plan, though….it will utterly change everything.

I have not had an intentional season of Lent…but my focus is clearing this week. Even this morning as I wait to attend church tonight…my heart is longing for the reality of the Incarnation to take deeper root. Waiting anew for Jesus to break my resistance and make me His home. Waiting with an awareness that the darkness of Good Friday, the confusion of God surprising us in His path to victory, will come before the celebration of Easter. Thankful for poets and musicians to lead us in this week through the culmination of Lent…

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Messy Mondays meet….I don’t know

I cannot think of a catchy title to convey the idea of Intentional Mondays. Um. Not Motivational Mondays, because…well, just because. Absolutely not Momentous Mondays because that is just intimidating and Mondays are rarely momentous for me.

Awhile back I wrote about Messy Mondays. Mondays have become a bit of a challenge for me in the homeschool experience; I’ve realized how difficult it is to switch gears from the laid back weekend mode to school mode on Monday morning. Our weekends tend to be busy, so that also means the house needs attention on Mondays. Plus the menu for the week. Oh, and the lesson plans. The dog usually realizes he was neglected over the weekend as well…and the needs start becoming apparent quickly.

Sometimes it is difficult to find that few moments of silence to start the morning with some focus. I’m very thankful for a rainy Monday today and kids still sleeping, and good coffee. The quiet is welcome and gives me a few moments to read and to adjust my thinking and my attitude to what is required for today.

Today I am aware that the description I just gave for Mondays is frighteningly typical of my life. I fly by the seat of my pants far too often. I have the lesson plans done and a general idea of what the week holds and what is required…however, I often do not have the same plans in place for my kids lives. My oldest is almost 12, the youngest almost 2. In between are almost 7 and 9. Within that spread there are a whole wealth of needs, and needs that require focus and intention and planning. Not fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants parenting.

We’ve been dealing with attitude around here lately, and I know that mine has not been stellar. There has been more name calling than normal, and more back talk. Just a general “attitude” that is not pleasant and is not honoring to one another or to God. Today I realized that much of it comes from living in a reactionary way…instead of setting up the focus for the day and the intention of the day, I’ve been reacting. Playing catch-up to all the activity instead of directing.

We can’t live that way with our kids. We’ve got to be intentional and we’ve got to be focused and we’ve got to pray. We can’t pray in a vague and distracted way, but we have to pray with intention and with insight and with vigor.

Part of my Monday ritual is now going to include this element of desiring focus and desiring to set the tone and the direction of the week. Every week is going to be busy with this many living together. I don’t know about you, but it is so easy to fall behind for me, and then I’m just frustrated and things start falling apart. Instead, my hope is to read from those who are thinking about how to raise Godly kids in a world that does not care about their integrity or their innocence…and my hope is to feed my thoughts to be focused and intentional. I need to see beyond what today’s needs are so that the preparation is there for the needs of next year, of next month…

I know that what I am saying is really common sense, especially as a Christian. Still, sometimes I need to say common sense things to myself and put it in writing. I need to remember that there is no substitute for prayer and discipline in seeking God and being intentional. Sometimes I need some help, and reading others’ thoughts helps me…I hope it helps you as well.

So, give me ideas on a title for Mondays….and suggestions on blogs to read for insights into raising kids with intention and focus and….most of all….hope and joy. (Whew, there’s a whole post right there!)  Here is what I read today….

Raising Kids in a Pornified Culture

Got the Grumpies?

What I want Adeline to Know

You’ll Find Your Way

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Stuck in the Upper Room

The last couple weeks have been strange. I mentioned the other day that I have felt more emotional…felt this need to weep coming on at moments. I’ve been more down than normal, and it has affected the days. The boys have noticed and have been frustrated because I have been more short with them.

I was called out on something and I had to walk away because they were right and I knew if I started talking with them I would just begin crying.

I don’t do that. I usually am not that emotional. Ever, really.

I realized, though, in the midst of this that there are more times than not that I am negative or that I see the challenges rather than the blessing. There are more times that I am aware of the brokenness and the suffering and the challenges around us than the hope…although I strive to seek the hope and the wonder. Sometimes I don’t verbalize the negative, but it is there with me.

When I was rocking Maddie last night, which tends to be my best time for thinking, I thought that I am stuck in that upper room the time after Jesus was crucified and before His resurrection. That time when they did not understand, when they wondered what would happen to them and when they wondered if the suffering and the challenges had been worth the cost.

The world is still broken and although we have the hope of and the knowledge of the Resurrection…I don’t always grasp the reality of the Resurrection. That moment when the hope came into fruition and stood before the disciples and confirmed that the suffering and the cost was worth it.

Sometimes I am stuck in the waiting moment. The austerity of Lent and the discipline of facing toward Jerusalem can be exhausting. The reality of the brokenness and the cost of what it will take to heal that condition. Sometimes I find myself just putting one foot in front of another and staring at the ground…when I should be walking with the awareness of the Resurrection.

I need this rhythm of Lent and Good Friday and Easter each year…the discipline of remembering the cost, the silence of Good Friday and taking in the sacrifice….and the joyous celebration of Easter. The shouts of joy and the music and the celebration and the release from the waiting.

Hope. But not just a vague hope that is unknown…Hope placed in a reality that is difficult to get my head around. I have to learn to watch that door while in the Upper Room…waiting for Him to walk through. Trusting that He will. Remembering all the times that He did what He said. I need to not get stuck in the waiting.

It’s okay sometimes to feel the weight of the brokenness and to long for heaven. I think that is good, actually…Paul understood that well. Things did not become easy after Jesus’ Resurrection, but they changed. The hope is more secure and the cost is seen in light of the victory. I have to live in that balance…not just in the upper room waiting and wondering.