So, my friend Michael has a recurring post on his blog called “Things I Think.”  It has been long running and is even developing into a book.

Of course, I would look silly if I just copied him. So, I thought I’d do a post on the things I never thought I would have thought.  😉  See how clever I can be!

Shall we?

1. I truly never thought I would be so happy “just” being mom. Right up until the time I met Steve and got married, even up until the time our oldest boy was born, I never pictured myself as being dominated by being mom. I always wanted to have kids, but it was never a huge drive, and I always thought motherhood would be an addition.  It’s not.  It has utterly changed who I am. I am astounded by my kids continually…they are amazing little souls. As our curate Kim Thomas says, they are wonderful little image bearers.

2. I never thought I would do anything other than radio. I worked in radio in some form or fashion for around 13 years. Those were formative years…through college and my early adult years. I always assumed that I would be involved in radio in some way. Then I found myself not doing so well in that career after moving to Nashville. There were moments when that was overwhelming and an enormous identity crisis. Then that went away and I found out there were other things I was better at doing.

3. I never thought my first attempt at making tamales would be so time consuming and so rewarding. They are sitting on the stove top right now. They just finished steaming. I tested one because I’m taking them to Biblestudy tonight, and I couldn’t poison the group. They’re really good. And the smell really good. And it’s hard to eat just one.

4. I never thought I would hear that a neighbor was being evicted from their house and have it be part of the normal activity of life. The trouble that so many are facing, and how near that trouble is to almost all of us, is frightening. I guess part of it is simply growing up and being aware of the struggles of others, but I can’t get past the thought that those kids will always remember this as the Christmas when they got kicked out of their house.

5. I never thought I would love having a little girl this much. It is hard to get anything done because she is simply delightful and I want to lay around on the floor and giggle and talk to her. There’s not much more I’d like to do.

6. I never thought I would be thinking this seriously about homeschooling. Again, just never crossed my mind before kids. Now, I am getting excited about the possibility, although it is still just a possibility. Working out my thinking on that still, and praying with Steve about what our plan is.

7. I never thought I would think about going to a church other than Calvary Chapel. I spent most of my early Christian adulthood in Calvary Chapel…Albuquerque, Santa Barbara and here in Nashville. I had some fantastic times there and made some lifelong friends. I learned a lot and especially in Santa Barbara I was cared for with great patience.  When I went to Regent I began to read authors that were not on the accepted list that often in Calvary. I found out that there were some I could both disagree and agree with, and it didn’t kill me. Now, the church we are part of here is similar in some ways to Calvary. The Village Chapel is non-denominational and casual in some ways. Jim teaches verse by verse through books of the Bible. There are some differences though….there is more liturgy. We meet in a Catholic school building 😉  Jim likes to read some of those same authors that surprised me at Regent. I’m thankful for the foundation Calvary gave me….wizened by the fact that there are great shortcomings in that movement….and thankful for the place we are now.

8. I never thought it would be so difficult to come up with ten things I never thought.

9. I never thought I would use a tv show as filler for a blog….but I am hooked on ManTracker. He’s awesome. And the last episode I saw was in Dolores, CO…watching it made me think of my dad.

10. I never thought I would see my mother become so frail. Today and yesterday when I talked with her she knew me, she was engaged and it was like I was talking with my mother of long ago. Dementia seems to do that…to give us those times of her being clear, however there is that knowledge that the moment will not last long. I am amazed by how many walk through this journey of watching a loved one, or a respected one, have their mind fade away before their body is done living. Gordon Fee is another that breaks my heart…he is struggling with Alzheimers.

There ya go. 10 things I never thought I would have thought. Whew…not sure I can do that every week 😉

There are moments I want to stomp my feet and shout for everyone to just stop. There comes upon me this deep ache and feeling that I want more….that this is not what it is about. This is not what life is about. This is not it.

Stop.

I find that it happens a lot at this time of the year. The other day I wrote about Advent and about wanting to not be so impacted by the stress of the worldly holiday season. To be able to find that place of worship and wonder.

Wonder.

I want to be moved deeply. Not an emotional high, or an emotionally charged feeling of love or whatever.

I want to ache….to be so moved that it goes beyond the emotions and the intellect and there is something that makes me want to shout to everyone to stop and pay attention.

Luminarias can do it to me. Sunsets can. Worship in the congregation can. Communion can.  Art can. Music can.

The look of absolute trust from my children can.

The ache that affirms that all of this hoopla of Christmas is something grand and amazing and we need to stop and pay attention.

Not to the sales and the manic feeling of having to have it all right. Pay attention to the quiet under it all, to the whispers that this amazing grace is true and that this faith that I believe is more than fairy tale and wishful thinking.

“All this indescribable thing that we call the Christmas atmosphere only hangs in the air as something like a lingering fragrance of fading vapour from the exultant explosion of that one hour in the Judean hills nearly two thousand years ago.” – Chesterton

Yes!  I want to be overwhelmed by wonder. And I want that deeply for my children. I want images to be formed in their minds and impressions to be made on their hearts that forms their imagination. That the absolute wonder and amazing fact that God became man would stop them in their tracks. That Christmas would not be dominated by thoughts of wish lists and toys, but that somehow in the midst of the twinkling lights and the celebration they would get it.

That this faith is real. That it changes everything. That God became one of us. That we would ache because we know that we just taste the edge of reality and we will one day see it clearly….and the wonder will be complete.

There are certain things that I simply will never forget. The Christmas that I got Muffin the mini poodle. The first time riding a horse. The first time I went to the beach in California by myself. Meeting Steve for the first time. When I became a mother.

And Christmas in New Mexico. I remember dressing in velvet dresses and going outside to light the hundred of luminaries that we lined our sidewalk and the roof of the house with. Literally hundreds. I can remember feeling so big being out there with my brothers lighting the little lanterns.

Then we would gather and have a glorious meal that lasted hours with lots of conversation and laughter. We would get to open one present. Dad would read the story of the first Christmas and we would head out to the midnight service at the Episcopal Church.

I remember a few of the toys…but I’ll always remember that feeling of celebration and family.

Now, December 1st and I find myself looking over Christmas wish lists and talking with Steve to figure out what to get and how to make things even. Looking at the calendar that is filling rapidly with good, but busy, schedules. There is that little inkling of stress starting to find its way into my day.

I’m resisting it.  My friend Vicky wrote about this as well today, and she has some great thoughts about keeping ourselves focused. It is work. It has to be intentional. We cannot just slide through the holiday season and find that we have done well in staying worshipful and hopeful and focused.

One of the things I’ve tried to do is have an Advent reading. I’m going to try this one with the boys at bedtime. Still haven’t settled on one for myself (I know, I need to get with it!), and I’m open to suggestions. Our church is decorated and there is that sense that this is special. It doesn’t really matter to me whether or not Jesus was born exactly on Dec 24th….it matters that this is when His Body celebrates that He came.

So, be intentional.

Be creative.

Be calm.

Be hopeful.

Prepare yourself to celebrate and rejoice and settle in to the fact that our God came. He is. He will come again. Hallelujah.

Going to do the prayer requests for a few weeks and we’ll see what happens after the start of the year. I don’t want it to be forced, but at the same time I like the opportunity to mention some requests.

* Riley My friend’s son in Vancouver. He is still in the hospital doing treatments after the last attack. They have somewhat changed the diagnosis, and now it looks like Riley may have a condition that will impact him for life. He is 7 years old. Please pray for Riley and for his mom Nancy as well as the whole family.

*Erunner’s nephew  he is in Afghanistan. Praying for his safety.

*Kevin Another friend from PP who has struggled for a long season with pain and the drs have not been able to come up with solutions or diagnosis.

*Reuben: Needing to close on a house quickly. Praying for it to happen before Thanksgiving!!!

*Noelle: Her husband found work (wonderful, thankful!) but it is far from home and he will be gone long lengths of time.

* Those struggling this holiday season. We all know that there are many around us who struggle during the holiday season. Some have a difficult time expressing this. If you want some insights, please read this article.  Randall Slack was involved in the Phoenix Preacher blog, is a pastor an has personal understanding. It is worth reading…and then praying and keeping our eyes open this season to those around us.

So very thankful for a good trip to NM. Maddie is the wonder-girl, which I already knew, but she is also a wonder-traveler. She made friends on every flight. She made Grandma smile lots and has Grandpa firmly wrapped around her finger. It was a delight to be with the NM clan during Thanksgiving, and I found that my sister-in-law Stacy is a fantastic cook and I like red chili sauce on turkey!
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I can feel the stress of Christmas sneaking in, and am determined to not be overcome by it. We have lots going on with parties and school performances and school parties…and a trip to the cabins in Gatlinburg! I think we might have been crazy to add that, but I also am hoping it will be a great relaxing time in the midst of the season.

Please post any prayer requests you have.