I’m not ready.

 

I like the lazy schedule of summer. I like the easiness of the schedule and being able to sleep in and let the boys relax and do as they please.

 

I want to begin with learning. I am excited about starting the school process. I am excited about beginning to open the books and I am excited about what we will discover. I have learned some last year and my expectations are more in place with reality.

 

I do not expect to do great crafts daily, or to follow pinterest, or to sing in harmonies each morning around a pancakes that look like smiley faces.

 

I would love to do those things, but I know my limitations. And I know my kids.

 

I do hope to learn.  I hope that I am able to establish an environment that brings peace and creativity and that in some way establishes hope and wonder.

 

I’m not completely sure how that will happen, or how to facilitate that, but I know that that is my hope.  I know that that is my desire…that my desire is they do not dread the beginning of school as the ending of the bliss of summer.

 

I desire that they learn to love learning and that they see it as the discovering of wonder and they see it as discovering the imprint of the Creator on the world around them rather than the drudgery of memorizing facts and necessities for getting by in life.

 

I know that I have to love the wonder and the imprint of the Creator in order for them to see it. I know that I have to wake up with a hint of that awareness and I have to allow myself the freedom to be the person He has created me to be rather than trying to force something. I am not a crafty person, and I am not good at some things I wish I were.

 

I love learning though.

 

So, on this Monday morning, with school about begin, there is a peace that settles in as I realize the expectations are simply this: we will learn. God will be present and He knows the desire of my heart is simply that my children know Him and know how amazing this creation is.  My desire is that they be filled with wonder and filled with hope…and I cannot do that, but He can.

 

There is the release.

 

Mondays do not have to be dreaded.  Prepared for, yes. I have to be diligent in my work and in my preparation. The environment has to be set and the material provided. The work of the heart is up to the Spirit, though, and I think this is part of what I hope for in homeschool.

 

It is also what is amazing about some of the teachers I have known in private and public schools. They have instilled this love of learning in a multitude of students, and I am the fruit of their labors.  I have no idea how this will end with my children, but the end is not up to me. And there is freedom in that. The work is up to me. The labor is up to me…but the fruit is truly in God’s hands.

 

So, Monday, Monday.  I’m ready for ya.