I have to admit I watched some of the Broncos Patriots game tonight. I probably watched all of about ten minutes, and I think I watched some of one other game. I’ve watched a few interviews with Tebow and watched a video when he was recorded as he talked during the game to players, etc.  That’s about it for my direct knowledge of Tebow.

I have a lot of second-hand knowledge. Mainly because my Facebook feed blows up with comments about him after every game. He does seem to be a polarizing character in our culture. There is almost a litmus test among some as to the strength of our faith based on our admiration of Tebow.

This makes me nervous. Now, don’t get me wrong. Everything I have seen or read about Tebow himself points to a young man of character, of humility and of genuine faith. What makes me nervous is how he is being pushed into the limelight as such an example of faith. We should celebrate that this is a young man who is a great example, and we should be thrilled that there is a strong Christian in sports to look up to. He’s not the only one, but he’s a great example. However, I am nervous for him about the turn of the tide if he does not maintain success…and tonight was a bit of a taste of that.

I have boys. Three of them. The oldest is ten and he is a sports fan. He’s aware of Tim Tebow, although not obsessed with him. We’ve talked a bit about the way Tebow has been confident in his faith and has been more than that humble and kind in how he has interacted with people.

Tebow has been a source of conversation about our faith, and that is wholly good.

While I’ve been listening to the discussion on Tebow in the background, I’ve been reading the biography on Dietrich Bonhoeffer, listening to a series of lectures by Gideon Strauss about the Truth and Reconcilition Commission and thinking about heroes of the faith. Gideon’s lectures talk about the horrors of Apartheid, about the way he moved from Wonder to Heartbreak to Hope as he translated these stories while reading through the Psalms. The stories leave you speechless.

Listening to the stories of Bonhoeffer and Strauss have everything to do in my mind with Tebow.

I am thrilled that my oldest, Zachary, has a chance to have a role model in sports who is not ashamed of the Gospel. I am thrilled that he has an example to look to of a strong young man living strongly in the faith.  However, it is a sense of the celebrity and celebration of the faith.  There is a sense of the “success” of a Christian, and there is a hesitancy for me with that.

See,  I watch my son who live vicariously through many things. He has an avatar he uses to play role-playing games where he blows things up or lives out some other fantasy in amazing graphics and with great success. When he is not doing that he dreams of being an NHL star. He watches these stars and dreams of being able to live that life. He talks big and dreams big, and that is what he should be doing, but he needs to be informed by more than just the successes of the stars.

There needs to be a side informing his faith that tells of those who have sacrificed greatly, those who have suffered greatly and those who have seen God be faithful in the midst of times of horror.

He needs to be tempered with the reality of the faithful…

The story Gideon shares is of deep suffering and of God meeting him in the midst of hearing story after story of deep suffering.

Zachary needs to hear this.

See, I think it is great that Tebow shares his faith. He has faced objections and ridicule, but he is paid well and he also faces great appreciation and admiration.  It is sad that it is remarkable that in that setting he is strong in the faith. In a time when people are hungry for something good and something to celebrate, he has been a wonderful distraction. It’s great for Zachary to see that.

I’m wandering a bit in my thoughts….but the point I’m trying to bring across is this:

Praise God for Tim Tebow. Praise God for his testimony, and for his faithfulness and for his willingness to be paraded as an example of faith.

Oh, but weep and be struck to no words before God as we think of those who have endured such deep suffering at the hands of humans who have hated…and who have yet found God to be faithful.

And even more so, be humbled and silenced by the testimony of those who have gone willingly into suffering to minister and to share the name of God.

So, I pray that my boys and my Madeleine will know that there is such a rich history around them of saints, and I pray that they will listen well to the words of each of these. Those who have walked in ease and been faithful in plenty and success, and those who have walked in pain and been faithful in fear and yet held on to hope.

I know that today is actually the 2nd, but yesterday was the last day with all the family home and I didn’t feel like thinking too hard. Today is a taste of the return of routine as Steve is back at work, although the boys have one last day of freedom before returning to school. So, in the quiet of the morning today is a good chance to welcome 2012.

I was thinking a bit about New Year’s resolutions and why they are so hard, and something struck me. Maybe it will resound with you as well.

New Year’s Resolutions are difficult because they cause us to look back over the previous year and see all that was wrong. The end of the year reminds me that I am not physically who I would like to be; I would like to lose some weight. The end of the year reminds me that I am not spiritually who I would like to be; I have not developed yet the disciplines that I would like to have as habit. The end of the year reminds me that I am not in character who I would like to be; I yell at my children more than I would like and judge people I barely know more than I should.

Those are not easy things, and to write up a list of resolutions…lose weight, read the Bible more, be kinder….is a simplified acknowledgement that I am not who I would like to be.

It is easy to laugh off the resolutions, or to make some that are simply unachievable, but maybe it is just the fact that the house is quiet and the coffee is good this morning…but I thought I’d let this end of 2011 and welcoming of 2012 hit me a little more fully today.

As I sit and have my Bible open to Genesis to start the chronological one year reading I am struck by three things that mark who I am, and who I have consistently been.

Selfish. Arrogant. Lazy.

Honestly. Those are the three that I struggle the most against. And those are the three characteristics that keep holding on. I am selfish with my time and my pursuits, and I am arrogant in constantly thinking that I know better than the vast majority of humanity. I condescendingly judge people on a whim. And I’d easily spend the day playing Farkle and Bejewelled Blitz if no one would interrupt me.

So, 2012, you’ve come reminding me of these dreaded three. So, let’s decide now the three we would like to see evident in your bright and shiny new year…

Graciousness. Humility. Passion.

Note I did not say discipline. I want to wake up, not just follow the rules. I want God to do something in me this year that makes me different, truly. I want deeply to be in His Presence and be changed. Period. And I know that those three would be marks of that encounter.

I do have ‘things’ I hope to do more this year…I already said wine and candles….and I’m adding reading to that list. And music…more music. The flip side of examining the things that we do not like about ourselves that have played out over the past year is the shimmer of excitement that this is a fresh start. The slate is clean and we can try again. Of course, I believe that just pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps isn’t going to last beyond January 15th…..but we can turn our focus back to encountering a living God and that will last.

I’m thankful this morning for a quiet last morning of the kids sleeping in. I’m thankful for the ideas that are spinning in my mind of ways this year could be better…although it will be hard to top the arrival of Madeleine Jane in 2011!!

I’m thankful for a patient God who hears not only the words of my prayers, but the cry of my heart. He has planted the seed of desire for these changes, and since it is already His work, there is confidence that these changes will happen.

So, we’re off, yes? A New Year. Let the change give us time to truly examine our hearts, but without the guilt and shame the enemy of our souls would heap upon us for failing to live up to the resolutions of last year. Confess our sins. Seek our Lord’s face. Look with excitement to the coming year.

Okay, this will be a short post.

I have found what I’m cooking tomorrow. There is, afterall, one day left before I have to get serious about what I’m eating.

Salads can wait one more day.

Tomorrow I’m making these:

yum

cinnamon.brown butter. breakfast. puffs.

Go to smitten kitchen and find lots of lovely things to cook.

yep.

Oh, it is that time of year again, isn’t it.  The time to think back over the past year and decide what should be different in the coming year.

New Year’s Resolutions.

Ugh.  I never do well with these.  Yes, I would like to lose weight. About 40 pounds to be exact.  I’ve even joined the gym. But I hate having that as a resolution for the coming year.

It sounds like my resolution is simply to grow up and be more responsible.

That’s not really what I want.

I realized tonight, as Steve is out with the boys to a movie and Madeleine is sleeping, that I cannot remember the last time I had a glass of wine and read a book with candles lit.
Candle light does something for my soul. Something good. As does music.

There has been far too little candlelight and music, and yes wine, this past year.

Don’t get me wrong. The last year has been truly wonderful. The introduction of Madeleine Jane to our lives has brought laughter and delight and marked this year as special.  Still, I have found myself grumpy and stressed more often than need be.

So, my resolution for this coming year to is to be slightly less responsible and mature and to take time to feed my soul.

I truly do mean this. There are things that I have let slide that bring life to who I am. I flourish when I am using my brain, and yet I am lazy by nature and will find that I’ve played an hour of Bejewelled Blitz when I could have spent that hour with L’Engle or Berry or Bonnhoefer or….

So, this year I will read. By candlelight. Often.

I will ignore the laundry on evenings when the house is quiet and I might be able to use my brain in thinking deeply.

I will journal…and write stories in my journals of all the things my children do.

I will try to be less grumpy or stressed.

The major things that I would like to have change in the coming year are things I cannot simply muster up. I so want to be more patient and more loving in general. But I cannot simply “do” that. I need God to change me. More. A lot more.

So, along with candles and books….I want this year to be marked by God. I want to turn my focus to Him more solidly and more consistently. By His grace may this be a year that I know Him more, that I listen more intently and that I am changed to be more like Jesus.

There are so many more things I could add to my list of resolutions…but my candles are burning down and I don’t have much longer before Steve and the boys will be home, so I must go read and indulge in the quiet!

Happy (almost) New Year!!