There is something refreshing about a shiny, bright new year. Even though the situation is the same as a few days ago, there is a spark of hope and a spark of energy present this morning. Even on this very grey, rainy morning.

Christmas and New Year’s were dominated by migraines for me, so the presence of merely a minor headache this morning has also helped the enthusiasm. Still, there is something about turning to a new calendar, a new journal, a new … year. Resolutions, Revolutions, Hopes, Imaginations. And sometimes…

Desperations. 

We all have those thoughts on the changing of the year. The things we would like to be different in the coming months. The exercise routines and the diets, the reading plans and the shunning of social media. I have posted years on end how I would step away from online activity to focus on real life activity. Only to be drawn back continually. 

Then to feel frustrated with lack of discipline and lack of persistence. Then to meet the next new year with a sense of desperation that the list of resolutions remains the same as last year. Still unfulfilled. 

Not this year. This year is different.

Sitting here in one of my favorite coffee shops organizing my shiny new bullet journal,

I realized that this year I do not want new resolutions. This year, I want instead to be at ease with who I am.

That is not to say that there is not room for improvement. There is always, always room for improvement. 

I realized this morning, however, that some of the frustration I face is trying to force a system on myself and the kids that simply doesn’t work that well. Instead, I need to find a way to make what is good and unique about us blossom and flourish.

Yes, I know. That was obvious.

And yet, not so much.

When we began home school one friend who had done this for years challenged me not to simply bring school home. We had before us this great freedom to do things differently, and the challenge is to find the way to flourish in that freedom. I’m not sure we have hit our stride yet. There is still this sense of knocking out the work so they can get to the fun stuff…and my heart wants the kids to see the learning as the fun stuff. 

I know it cannot completely be fun all the time, but the learning can make us come alive. When we find the way to learn that speaks to us. This translates to the work, to the resolutions as well. The resolutions do not make me come alive, and they surely are not fun after the second week. So how do we approach this year differently so the resolutions are not so much a drudgery but a way of understanding ourselves better? A way of giving ourselves the freedom to operate in a way that nourishes our souls?

I’m honestly not completely sure how this works out yet…but I think the key is to be looking. What makes me feel alive? Music. Books. Really great movies. Discussions with people I love. The giggles of little ones. 

What makes me pull inside myself and become depressed? Not meeting unrealistic goals. Feeling constantly behind and unprepared. Failing to complete things. 

What about you? What speaks life to you? Make room for that this year. What makes you step with energy and with enthusiasm? Make sure that is present in your life. 

We still have to make our beds. We still have to wash the dishes and put away the laundry. We still have to do the work, but maybe our resolution can be to find a way to do the work and nourish our souls at the same time.  Or nourish our souls so we have the energy and strength to do the work. 

That is my resolution on this January 3rd: Find a way to nourish my soul and make the ‘work’ of keeping the house and educating the children become something that speaks life. Rather than forcing a structure that builds frustration, building a freedom which encourages learning and work to be done with enthusiasm. Naive and impossible? I’m not sure, but I think it is worth the effort. I think it is worth the adjustment in vision rather than a list of resolutions.  Let’s see what we can do with 2017.