I have to confess that I grew up with a fair amount of privilege.
We had some pretty great toys as kids, and we grew up able to to hang out on this great space in Colorado in the summers especially…riding horses and motorcycles and exploring.
Most all of that was due to having a Dad and a grand father who were diligent in their work and who were wise and who blessed us. We didn’t always know how blessed we were, and we didn’t always appreciate it…and we didn’t always know the sacrifices that were made so we could enjoy these adventures and this life.
Now, when I’m a little older and hopefully a little wiser, and more importantly now that I am a parent as well, I am aware of how special my life has been. I am also aware of the privilege we are in the midst of now. This privilege is different, and yet it is also the fruit of my Dad’s diligence and his sacrifices.
This is the privilege of watching my mother age in the care of those who love her, and I am aware that it is a privilege. There are so many who are simply not able to keep their loved ones at home because of the need for constant supervision…but we have been able to do so because my Dad has made that sacrifice and my brothers have as well, along with my nephews. These men take great care of this lady.
That is pretty remarkable.
So on this trip I was able to chip in some of the time and watch Mom, to take my part in caring for her. To be part of the privilege of seeing her in the moments of confusion and know that even though that look of lostness comes over her…to know that she in a place filled with laughter and with children. A place filled with memories and filled with thought and care…a place which she designed to be welcoming and hospitable to those who would come. A place made to be home. Sometimes that makes things all the more difficult because if she was in her “right” mind she would be rejoicing in these moments and she would delight in this laughter and the place would be alive with her touches of hospitality. There are times the awareness of her dementia makes that sting…and it should. Brokenness hurts and reminds us that this is not as it should be. Still…in this imperfection, she is in a place where she is known.
She may not know it, but she is in a place which embraces her, and in the moments when she is silent and does not have words, or when she is flooded with words that simply repeat and express confusion…she is still surrounded by laughter and life. She is not left on her own or isolated, and when she has those moments where she is alert…there are those there to laugh with her and embrace her.
And that is privilege.
And the richness of that privilege is not lost.
I spent much time this trip with just Maddie and Mom. It always amazes me how children just accept things and Maddie never was troubled that there was something amiss with Grandma. She would light up and embrace her, kiss her, or scold her…whatever the situation called for…with great enthusiasm. And she drew Mom out.
That was privilege that could not happen in a “home”.
I think often of Madeleine L’Engle’s book, The Summer of The Great Grandmother where she talks of the last summer with her mother, and I think she would smile at our gatherings in Colorado. Our generations mix and aging happens in the midst of development.
The children learn that we are frail, and they learn that we have to not be afraid of that and sometimes life is hard…but it is a lot easier when we handle it as a family in the midst of a place filled with laughter and life and memories.
And that is privilege.
Beautiful, Sarah. Thank you for reminding me that it is an honor to care for our families–a privilege indeed.
Oh, Sarah..what a wonderful reflection! My husband commented on your Mom’s photo…how much she’d changed since he knew her. I’m so happy your family has surrounded her, given her love, provided a role model for future generations. This, indeed, is the real privilege of a Christian upbringing!
Thank you, ladies. Linnea…she has changed since he knew her, and yet we all have commented on how engrained in her it is to be kind to people and to show compassion. She would still welcome him with a smile and a kind hello if she saw him today.
Thank you both for the kind words!
Beautifully written from the heart. It is a very hard thing to watch someone you love go though this terrible disease but it is great the you and the kids get to spend time with her. It will make memories they all will cherish. 🙂
Thanks, Carol…it helps so much being able to write about these things, but also knowing so many others who have dealt with similar things and having friends who are so supportive!