Today truly feels like a Messy Monday. And only one kiddo is up so far.
I’m unsettled this morning. One of those days that are difficult to stay focused or to get thoughts together well. It is not just the need for more coffee…it’s that unsettled, frustrated, foggy feeling. That feeling where it is hard to sit still in the chair, hard to keep my eyes on the page as I read…the kind of feeling where I seem to jump from activity to activity.
Actually, yesterday was a really good day…spent with family, spent sering in the nursery, and just a generally good day.
It ended with me doing something stupid…backed into someone at McDonald’s. Yes, in the car.
I haven’t had a car accident of any kind in 10 years, and that one was because someone turned illegally across traffic and hit me…before that I think I was 16 when I had the last accident. That’s part of what irritated me so much about last night…it was just an accident and I messed up. But, it frustrated me and it messed up someone else’s night. No major damage, and the insurance will take care of it, but this morning it has me irritated with myself.
We all do stupid things, of varying degrees of significance. It should unsettle us a little…it spotlights our inadequacies, our areas where we need growth.
It sets us up for Messy Mondays.
I can tell I’m on edge, and that could set up for a miserable day of homeschool. So, instead of getting all the lesson plans out and organized…I’m going to read. Reading some in Scripture, and reading some in Bonhoeffer’s biography. That settles me…it shows me that every single one of us humans do stupid things. We sometimes do more than stupid…we sin, we rebel, we fall short. And yet, God is not surprised, and He is able to take our inadequate abilities and lives and make something remarkable. The stories of what He does are amazing…thus, reading the stories of those who have walked with Him is vital in my life. It tells His Gospel again and again.
Messy Monday. Nope. I’m not going to let it be…it is going to be a bit more humble Monday, but it is going to be laced with Gospel and with grace.
The Small Rain 
I love this, Sarah. I’ve had a bad few weeks and I felt more than messy yesterday. In the lectionary was Job, Psalm 26 and a Gospel lesson from Mark 10. All of them made me feel even more inadequate. Less able to cry out. Less put together. (I’ve been out of work for a few weeks and am new to New Orleans again. Feels like a repeat of four years ago when I finally moved down here and the economy hit the skids!) I have been fighting to be okay. But I’m not. I’m a mess. God isn’t surprised with me either, but if he doesn’t show up with work soon, I’ll be homeless and hungry in New Orleans. Waiting has never been my longsuit. But reading about your messy morning…your fender bender too…makes me slow down. Not that my stuff isn’t bad. It’s bad. But…I can’t fix it. I have to just keep crying out and sending resumes and following up and making the rounds. All of it. And telling God I can’t do this. I just can’t.
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Amy…sorry I haven’t responded to this! I haven’t been on the computer as much this week…that is one thing I am finding about homeschool is I do not have as much time alone to be on the computer and “think”…
I know what you mean about feeling less together. It stinks that things are not coming together more quickly…I’ll be praying for you, and I’m glad my story at least allowed you the chance to slow down a little. I have several friends in similar emotional / spiritual places as yourself, where the situation is just out of their control and they feel overwhelmed. Trusting in God is tough in those moments…praying that He is present in the way you need right in this moment.
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[…] back I wrote about Messy Mondays. Mondays have become a bit of a challenge for me in the homeschool experience; I’ve realized […]
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