Monthly Archives: March 2013

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No Soft God…

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“Come to your Temple here with liberation

And overturn these tables of exchange

Restore in me my lost imagination

Begin in me for good, the pure change.”

My “Temple” is filled with unclean things. Distractions, motivations that are impure.

Sin.

Clutter.

My imagination is caught up so often in things that draw me away from God rather than toward Him. I am, frankly, weak and lacking in discipline and in focus. I am in need. I am broken by a sinful nature that does me in, and by an enemy who would rejoice in my defeat.

I need not a soft God who is only love and who demands little. A God who would simply bless me in my choices and my way.

I need a God who demands holiness and who knows true justice. I need a God who will clean this temple, and I, in my lack of imagination, need a God I can “see”.  I need something more than a God of wood or stone that I can gaze upon…I need a God who walks and talks and surprises me.

I need Jesus. I need Jesus who touched lepers with tenderness, who wept at His friend’s death. I need Jesus who knows loneliness and pain and suffering, and yet who knows wonder and imagination and love and joy.

This week I am following the posts of Malcolm Guite, and I am thankful for the poet and the artist and the musicians who bring to life the emotions and the words that fail me. Today his post is about the cleansing of the Temple. This is the God in whom I put my faith and my trust…and my need. The God who is willing and able to act justly and to save and to redeem and to cleanse.

The God who will break the barriers.

Cleansing the Temple

 

 

Come to your Temple here with liberation

And overturn these tables of exchange

Restore in me my lost imagination

Begin in me for good, the pure change.

Come as you came, an infant with your mother,

That innocence may cleanse and claim this ground

Come as you came, a boy who sought his father

With questions asked and certain answers found,

Come as you came this day, a man in anger

Unleash the lash that drives a pathway through

Face down for me the fear the shame the danger

Teach me again to whom my love is due.

Break down in me the barricades of death

And tear the veil in two with your last breath.

 

 

As I was writing this I was thinking of the strength of our God, and I came across Steve Green singing A Mighty Fortress. Put on your headphones and turn this up loudly. This is not a soft God who gives us up to our ways. This is a God who faces down the fear the shame and the danger. This is the God who tears the veil in two.

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The Grasping of Palm Sunday….

Palm Sunday

 

Now to the gate of my Jerusalem,

The seething holy city of my heart,

The saviour comes. But will I welcome him?

Oh crowds of easy feelings make a start;

They raise their hands, get caught up in the singing,

And think the battle won. Too soon they’ll find

The challenge, the reversal he is bringing

Changes their tune. I know what lies behind

The surface flourish that so quickly fades;

Self-interest, and fearful guardedness,

The hardness of the heart, its barricades,

And at the core, the dreadful emptiness

Of a perverted temple. Jesus come

Break my resistance and make me your home.

This poem is from Malcolm Guite, part of his book Sounding the Seasons. This was just what I needed to hear this morning.

I said the other day that I felt unprepared for the Lenten Season this year. In the past I have been more intentional about giving something up, even just FaceBook, in an attempt to focus on the season. The intentional abstaining is not an attempt to gain the merit of God, it is instead an attempt to discipline this flesh of mine to focus on the reality of a God who became man, who conquered all through the ultimate humbling and sacrifice. The God who redeemed. Redeemed all…but also me.

Sometimes that is still difficult to contain in this brain of mine.

This hardness of heart and fickleness that mark me, more than faithfulness and tender heartedness. These barriers that I continue to let stand.

I needed to hear a soft word today that recognizes that following Jesus is not simple, although there are moments of great praise and worship…there is also the moment of confusion and of reversal. The moment when God does the unexpected and does not simply ride in and conquer all the enemies.

The moment when we wonder what God is doing.

Palm Sunday is that day when we grasp hold of the idea of a Messiah who rides in and understands all our pain and suffering and fears and hopes…and we cling to the idea that He will change everything. We cheer and we hope and grasp.

He does change everything, but it won’t be the way we expect. He broke all the expectations in His death and in His Resurrection…and He continues to break my expectations.

It is good to grasp hold of Him and to cheer and to hope….but to do so with caution and with understanding that His plan may completely reverse what we think should happen. His plan, though….it will utterly change everything.

I have not had an intentional season of Lent…but my focus is clearing this week. Even this morning as I wait to attend church tonight…my heart is longing for the reality of the Incarnation to take deeper root. Waiting anew for Jesus to break my resistance and make me His home. Waiting with an awareness that the darkness of Good Friday, the confusion of God surprising us in His path to victory, will come before the celebration of Easter. Thankful for poets and musicians to lead us in this week through the culmination of Lent…

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Sunroof open, music blaring, taco eating kind of day!

Okay, if you were out today and saw a big blue truck go by and were suddenly assaulted by loud music accompanied by, well, less-than-perfect singing….I apologize.

Today has been a fantastically restoring day. The kids went to their tutorial, and I…to the coffee shop. I started out at Bongo Java, where I read and journaled and sipped coffee.

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FRom there I headed to Mas Tacos por favor…

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This is in a neighborhood where, well, my Mom in her sane days probably would not have wanted to frequent. I walked in and there was a man in line with his wife, who I probably would have avoided if I had Maddie with me. He was missing one leg, and was blind in one eye. He was black. When it was time for him to pay his $18 tab he found it they don’t take cards. He was going to have to walk (on crutches, missing a leg) to a nearby ATM. I am not exactly in the position of lots of extra cash at the moment….but I had enough in my pocket to buy his and his wife’s meal if I was careful with my meal. So I did.

He turned around and thanked me, and blessed me. This rather disheveled, crippled man said, “God bless you, Sarah.” He had asked my name. And I knew very clearly that I had made the right decision and it didn’t matter if I only got one taco.

Then I ordered and the place gave me my meal for free. And I was blessed….and the day continued to revive my soul.

I needed today.

I have been diligent in getting through the tasks of the day, but I have done so with little joy and with more stress because I was viewing the day from the view of tasks to be accomplished. Today was all about enjoying the moment and the place. Today was about a playlist selected specifically for songs that could be played loudly and sung along to with vigor…the kinds of songs that require the windows to be lowered and the sunroof open.

The kids need this version of me…the fully awake, ready to embrace the day me. I know that I will not be able to be is person everyday…but that doesn’t mean I don’t seek it and try to be in this space.

There is so much they will learn about the evil that is in our world…so much about atrocities and hurt that we have committed. I cannot teach them history without their learning these things. Right now though, in these moments where they are still innocent…now is the time to flood them with wonders and joys and glorious things that grab their attention, so that when they face the atrocities they have wonder to balance things.

So. On the list for the rest of this week…for the rest of the school year…more giggles, more dance parties with songs that get their blood pumping and require singing along. More play along with the math and the language. More stories that spark the imagination. More trips to the park. More joy…more intentional seeking out of joy.

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Shut It Off!!!!

I get my hair cut about an hour from my house. Partly this is because I love Amanda, the girl who does my hair…she does a fantastic job. Partly, though, I love the drive. It gives me some time on Saturdays to listen to the radio and to think and to just be alone for a little bit without needing to talk. Usually I listen to NPR on this drive…I love the game shows on Saturday mornings, and This American Life. Today I was out a little later than usual and I caught the TED Radio Hour.

The conversation today was about the impact of technology on our humanity; a conversation I have heard multiple times and even engaged. An important conversation, and especially for those of us of faith…how do we communicate our faith well in this age so dependent on technology.  This discussion was different, and the whole hour is worth hearing. If you have limited time, listen to the first speaker and the last. The show is called ‘Do We Need Humans?’

The first woman who spoke, Sherry Turkle, caught my attention immediately. She shares the story of a robotic seal that is made to be used with elderly patients in nursing homes. She tells of an experience watching an older woman who had lost a child holding this robot and stroking it, speaking to it and hearing the ‘animal’ make comforting and responsive sounds. While this is fairly amazing, she was more struck by the group standing and watching, including herself, who were so impressed that they had come up with a robot this woman could relate to and feel comforted by….and Turkle realized that this was the role we as humans were afraid to fulfill. One of the lines was that we are lonely but we fear intimacy. She gives many scenarios where we are engaged with our technology more than we are with the those physically in our presence.

 

The last speaker, Dr. Abraham Verghese   brought the hour to a close in such a tender way. He spoke of the good things of technology in the medical field, but he shared with such a compassionate wisdom that there is nothing that substitutes for the doctor’s hand. The physical touch and the discerning eye can catch things that no technology can understand. The physical touch can also convey so much that will never be replaced by the interaction of social media or technology.

 

The touch of a hand can overcome our resistance to grief and allow the outpouring of cleansing tears. The embrace of a loved one can stir deep joy and love. The touch…there is nothing that can substitute. 

I have to admit that technology plays a large role in our household. The boys love their x-box, Zach his ipod and all love my ipad. Nate is on the computer whenever given the chance, and I can find myself spending hours in front of the screen.

 

It is easy to say that I am connecting with people…that I am expressing thoughts here on this blog or through conversations on FaceBook or other blogs…and I am developing relationships. There is some truth in that, but there is also truth that those relationships do not require the intimacy or vulnerability of physical relationships. I can edit myself and I can ignore without repercussion. I can make sure that what I put forth is exactly what i want it to be, and I can practice what I say before I put it out there. I do not have to engage if I do not want to, and I do not have to show my weaknesses. I can delete those who annoy me and I can search out those whom I enjoy. I can give as little of myself as I want.

 

I have just finished reading a few books on different aspects of World War II. One about the French resisters and a group of women who ended up at Auschwitz together. Another about the experience of the Czechs. The story of the Dutch Resisters. Each of these stories had a common theme…the depth of the relationships and how those relationships helped people to survive through the horrors of that time. Those relationships were physical, hands-on, tested relationships.

 

I wonder if we have lost something with the immersion in our social media…if we expend too much of our energy on those who we know only peripherally while those in our midst who could be deep relationships suffer. It is easier to maintain a friendly and entertaining relationship with those we do not have to actually do life with…those we do not have to face.

 

Still…social media is such a part of life. I see the boys beginning to engage with texting and chatting on their games. They are developing friendships in a way that is completely foreign to my childhood. There are blessings and dangers, just like with everything…but I am well aware that the technologies they embrace without hesitation need to be faced with intentionality.

 

We can be whomever we like in our social media and there are few who would check us and test us. There is an aspect of our humanity that suffers with the lack of the human touch, the lack of the tone in our voice and the lack of our eye contact. When we learn to relate predominately through an avenue that is so devoid of so much of humanity, I wonder what the long term impact is on our physical interactions. If we will have the patience and the willingness to invest in the difficult prospect of ‘real’ friendships that just might save us some day in our times of struggle.

 

I’m thankful for the show I heard today, and for the challenges that they suggested. Some of the other speakers were more encouraging about technology’s impact…but the two I mentioned caught my attention the most. Again and again I come back to the fact that we have to engage our world with great intention or we are swept along with trends which may bring more harm than blessing to our souls. And as I watch the kids…I am well aware that they would easily spend the entire day in front of a screen if given the opportunity, and miss out on the wonder that is just outside the door. Mindlessly entertained, thinking that they have a multitude of friendships when they have little more than virtual playmates.

 

So…again reassessing the ‘rules’ we have in place, and remembering that they need to apply to myself as well. Opening the doors and remembering that this faith we participate in requires us to face fully toward our God and not be distracted…and to be a part of His People with intention and compassion…and even touch. To be present.